Monday, November 28, 2005

Breaking News!

O'Reilly, Al-Qaeda In Heated Argument Over SF Targets

Strike Date, Debut of 'Muslim Factor' In Jeopardy Over Dispute

Over the Thanksgiving Holiday, Fox News television and radio host Bill O'Reilly got into a heated argument with representatives of Al-Qaeda, over the proposed targets for the terror group to hit in San Francisco.

Earlier this month, O'Reilly, broadcasting his Westwood One radio show on Election Day, made comments about the San Francisco ballot measure opposing the presence of military recruiters in city schools.

"Listen, citizens of San Francisco, if you vote against military recruiting, you're not going to get another nickel in federal funds. Fine. You want to be your own country? Go right ahead," O'Reilly said, according to transcripts of the program.

O'Reilly continued.

"And if al-Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it. We're going to say, look, every other place in America is off limits to you, except San Francisco. You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead,"

Coit Tower, a tribute to firefighters, is the 1933 San Francisco landmark that sits atop Telegraph Hill.

Sources say that Al-Qaeda contacted O'Reilly and indicated they would like to talk with him about San Francisco

According to Eddie Mars, editor of 'Please Shoot Me', the newsletter that tracks the Fox News Channel, O'Reilly and three representatives of Al-Qaeda met at the Buena Vista Café, at the bottom of Hyde Street in San Francisco, the legendary watering hole, famous for introducing Irish Coffee's to the United States in the 1950's.

The Al-Qaeda members reportedly quizzed O'Reilly on how he knew of their plans to, potentially hit San Francisco. They then discussed the various targets and related to O'Reilly that Coit Tower wasn't that appealing to them.

"O'Reilly got upset," says Mars. "He was insisting that, if they hit the city, they need to take out the tower."

The Al-Qaeda members said that they had on their list the Trans-Am Pyramid Building, the famous Cable Car System and Pier 39, simply because they found it be a "cheap tourist trap" and an "arcade of sin".

At this point, according to Mars, O'Reilly got into an argument with another Buena Vista customer, who, in overhearing some of the conversation, asked the talk show host if he "had any loofah sponges in shape of Coit Tower", a reference to the sexual harassment suit O'Reilly settled in 2004.

A brief scuffle ensued, with O'Reilly and the patron throwing punches at each other, before management moved in to break up the pair. O'Reilly reportedly threatened the café that he was "with some people that could turn this place into splinters".

Before the meeting broke up, O'Reilly allegedly offered a comprise to Al-Qaeda, suggesting they "take out" Al Franken, in exchange for a few favorable "Talking Points Memo" on his nightly Fox News program. Al-Qaeda rejected the offer, citing there "wasn't a big economic impact to San Francisco or the United States" in eliminating Franken.

Mars reports that O'Reilly also met with Al-Jazeera while in San Francisco.

The Arab news network, recently said to be a target for bombing by President Bush, is rumored to be ready to launch an O'Reilly-style "Muslim Factor" program, to report and spin the politics of the Middle East.

Al Jazeera is interested in having O'Reilly as a consultant for the program, and to teach it's host how to act "smug and arrogant" and to "dismiss guests with thoughtful but opposing viewpoints".

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