Top Ten Cloves: Reasons John McCain Is Cozying Up To President Bush and Jerry Falwell

News Item: Political risk of John McCain's rightward pitch

10. Being called a “maverick” is too dicey now, with that nut job Tom Cruise shooting his mouth off about everything

9. Due to a clause that kicked in, from his Keating Five Scandal involvement

8. Was shown old CIA file Bush’s Dad had on him

7. Bush promised to teach him the secret Skull & Bones handshake

6. Part of strategy: When Cheney resigns, or gets indicted, Bush will pick him to serve out Vice Presidency

5. Four-year, full scholarships at Liberty University for the grandkids

4. Bush finally used the trigger word McCain was programmed with while POW

3. Needs help with the payments for the Straight Talk Express Bus

2. Hoping to get the Kennebunkport place for the month of August

1. Chose Falwell over Pat Robertson because, if he does win Presidency, Falwell won’t ask him to assassinate anyone